There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
