The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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