Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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