Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my poor anus
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
