Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My hand turned me down
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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