Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
