grandma shit on top of the toilet
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
