i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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