I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
