How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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