Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
