I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
