you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize