I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
