ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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