Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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