Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize