so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We had to coat check the pizza.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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