i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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