i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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