Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
