I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
