I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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