You're completely useless in the revolution.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
stop calling my apartment porn island.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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