chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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