can u get pink eye on your cock?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
