Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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