my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
