His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize