Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
