You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
