i jhust puked up my retainher.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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