I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
