oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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