boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
