i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
