Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
