I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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