I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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