just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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