glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
