I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Someone came in the potted fern
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
