im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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