we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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