My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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