She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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