So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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