I like my sex mixed with concussions.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
