After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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