YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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