i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
