strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So much Jack, so little girl.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
