hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
