did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
