update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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