I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
