Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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