So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
