I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
