My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
