I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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